someone threw a dead crab at me
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
