instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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