roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
there is glitter all over my balls
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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