a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
