She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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