Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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