I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
