the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
