He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
