Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
It's blow job season.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
