Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
