It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
