successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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