I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
