He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
