Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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