I heard we made out
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
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