fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
