My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
