also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Randomize
