I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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