I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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