somebody snuck up and got me drunk
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
