turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
