He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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