This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
