Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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