my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
