Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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