Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
