I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
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There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
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I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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