Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
