I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
