Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
