Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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