I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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