Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
