I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Send help, water and tortillas.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
