and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
