she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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