I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Randomize
