Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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