literally had 100 drinks last night.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
