So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
