I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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