Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
