filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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