he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Dicks are not precious.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
