I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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