end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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