i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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