she woke up with a sticky ear
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
