i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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