you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
you had me at cake vodka
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
