I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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