May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
