I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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