the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
