Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
