I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
