don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
