i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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