Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
