i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize