dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
