we're chasing vodka with high fives
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
