she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
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I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
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It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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