Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
