I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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