Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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